7.24.2013

He Surely Must Be Happy

A few years ago I made some best friends! Hmm... let's look back now... it was... 6 years ago! Wow! Well, I talk about them a lot here. Their names are Jacqueline Loveland Windsor and Brittany Ophelia Zebrah Waitforit Daniels. And they are just to peaches. And we are three peas in a pod. As well as three times the charm.

One time we were walking through the mall. The shops were strangely empty... we were the only ones there, it seemed. As we were approaching Dillards, we passed a man sitting on a bench. A rather portly man with glasses and crossed eyes. He was holding a Victoria's Secret bag. And as we passed him, he shouted "The two of you are three times the charm!"

To this day, we've continued to be three times the charm.

Today I'm here to tell you about my dear lovely Jackie's blog! Plans For Nigel. She got a hamster a few years ago, a cute lil one named Nigel. He was darling. There were costumes for him, he even had a leash! She started a blog illustrating her various endeavors, and the mascot was Nigel. Sadly, he passed away not too long ago, but her blog lives on!

She's got such a witty clever way of writing. Her journal... guys, if you could read her journal, it's amazing. And on top of all this, she's a brilliant artist. And her blog just incorporates all of that! I'm here to tell you to read her blog, and to feature her as well!

 
 
 
 

I, Dr. Jackie, M.D. (Made-up Doctor), using my completely fabricated knowledge of science and things, have postulated that all sleeping humans produce a low-grade form of radiation called "Z-rays." Through extensive, fictitious research, anthropologists have determined that perhaps, in early humans, Z-rays were used as a defense against predators. In our modern society. however, the production of Z-Rays, much like extra molars, don't serve quite as important a role.

These Z-rays work by slowly inducing Stage 1 sleep and producing theta waves within the human brain. In more extreme cases, resulting from more direct or long-term exposure, Z-rays have even been recorded to produce delta-wave sleep patterns in some humans. 

Some natural sources of sleep radiation include the following:

 
 
 
 
Fig 1. warm towels, cats, sleeping babies, old dudes, turkey, and nonfiction

Anywhere that people sleep, they give off low levels of sleep radiation, and over time certain objects or locations can begin to emit Z-rays as well. Some common secondary sources of sleep radiation include church pews, lecture halls, couches, bedrooms, cubicles, or charter buses. 

It is my hope that someday, science will gain a better understanding of Z-rays, their causes, and how to prevent them, in the hopes that humanity can work towards a united goal of becoming more productive at work, attentive in church, and able to sit through an entire documentary. The first step in this grand undertaking is awareness, so if you or someone you love is suffering from prolonged or concentrated exposure to Z-rays, please, help them seek the medical attention they deserve. 

Doctor's Note: Symptoms of prolonged Z-ray exposure may include drowsiness, inattentiveness, nodding head, drooping eyelids, excessive salivation, slurring of words, slumping posture, or coma. If you notice someone suffering from one or more of these, act quickly. Make a loud noise, ask them a complicated question, squirt them with water, or just hand them a Mountain Dew or something. You just might save a life.
 

There you go guys! Check her out here! Like her here! Let's get this girl famous, because I really want to be able to say I know someone famous. Come now. 

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