The Shallow List

Sometimes you lay in bed at night and stare at things because your eyes and brain are both too tired to let you fall asleep. You stare and think about things. I've been thinking a lot about my preschoolers. That's been hard on me, it's something I need to stop doing because it causes me restless dreams and lead me to waking up lonely.

Waking up lonely is not what I want to do.

So I think about Joe instead. And sometimes stare at Joe. Last night I was lead to thinking about all of the things I like about him.

If you've ever seen the movie "Beauty and the Briefcase", then you'll know what I say when I say that Hillary Duff had a really shallow list of what she wanted in her magic man. He had to be spontaneous and want to take random trips anywhere at anytime, he had to have an accent, and he had to have a good sense of fashion.

None of those things are things that will actually make a good partner. That was something to laugh about. But when you're done laughing and you think about it, you'll probably have a list of very shallow things that you're looking for in a partner. Along with a list of good, quality, relationship-quality things... but a lot of shallow things too. So let me share with you the things that were on my shallow list that I found with Joe.

-He has to have a cool last name. I was tired of the name Smith because it was pretty standard and people would think I was joking when I said it was my last name. NO. What does that even mean? Becar was a pretty cool last name. It sounds even cooler, Bay-Car. It's really hard to teach people how to say this name. And it's even cooler when you put the swish on it that isn't there on every legal document, but it's on some, and it's how he and I and other family sign our name. B├ęcar.

-He has to have a face that is bigger than mine. Why? Because when we take selfies of just our faces, his face has to be bigger to give the illusion that he's bigger than me. I dunno. A guy just has to be bigger than me. So when I stand next to him, in comparison, I look petite and demure and stuff. Just to set off a very strong personality on the other side.

-He has to have a good sense of fashion. And he does. But what really stole me was the European suits and shoes and ties from actual Europe. Joe's got a pretty good sense. It's casual and comfortable but still looks great. He said he used to wear a lot of plaid at one point, and polos at another point. And now he's just got a mix. Except he has these shorts that look like pajama pants. I make a point to tell him that every time he wears them.

-He's got to be much taller than me. This goes along with the bigger face thing. Much taller because he's got to be taller than every member in my family. It was hard to find someone that was taller than my brother, but eventually, I found the right guy. Winner.

-He has to spend time with the guys and HAVE guys, really. Joe's got all kinds of shenanigan stories with his guy friends. Since meeting me, he hasn't been so much of a bachelor, but he still hangs out with the guys. Most of his time is spent with me, but he can go out and hang out with the guys too. That's fun.

-Eagle scout. Is that shallow? A little. But I wasn't used to dating Eagle Scouts, I think Joe may have been my first. It was cool to know that he knew how to tie a lot of knots. His other eagle scout traits come out a lot, like the need to clean up litter in parks, and being an uber planner. I like those things.

-Brown eyes and brown hair. That's my preference. He's got it. In the most attractive way possible. He can definitely do the smolder.

So there's all the shallow things but all of the wonderful things too, like being spiritually and morally compatible, and having a hard work ethic, and being able to make me laugh every day, and being selfless and kind and compassionate to everyone. He assumes the best in everyone. But he's got all of the shallow list covered too.

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