Don't You Wish That You Could Be A Fly On My Wall?

Flies. Flies. So many flies. My house. Is full. Of flies.

I keep it clean! It's a new house! The expired food goes outside in the trash! But we like opening the windows, and the flies like coming inside. I asked my dad how to get rid of them. He said stop opening the windows. Yeah. Good help. How do you get rid of the ones living in here already?

I went insane the other day. There were too many. I took a bottle of windex and went BERSERK. Crazy I tell you. So much windex. All over the fetching house. I was feeling pretty good. Killed about 20 of the little fruity flies. Then I looked up, and they had evaded the fumes, leaving me to suffocate. As I lay on the ground gasping for air, I saw them buzzing around. In a last ditch effort, I grabbed the Lysol bleach and tried that. Didn't work.

I died.

When I woke up, they were still there. I decided that maybe lighting a candle would work.

We discovered a few weeks ago that when you put this cheapo candle we have in the microwave, it lights itself on fire. Awesome. So I stuck the candle in the micro wave.

"What are you doing?" Asked Joe Sam Michael Pete

"Lighting a candle. Maybe it'll kill the flies."

He took the candle and said "This isn't gonna work...." and held it by one small swarm. A fly flew directly into it and was killed.

VICTORY.

Since then, I have had candles around my house. I don't know if it's killing the buggies, but I don't see them when the candle is burning.

The problem was, I only had one candle. I noticed that the wax had burned down about 3/4, and I was needing another one. It also had scorch marks all over from being microwaved.

Doodle dee dee doo, went the grocery store music.

"What do you think about this candle, Brian?" I held up a small white one labeled "Happy Birthday Cake".

"A little too sweet."

I found two little candles for a dollar each, one melon, one lilac, and purchased them.

There's a reason they were only a dollar each. The only time they smell is when you blow them out. Then they smell like smoke.

I found the most awesome candle ever. It advertised "You can hear the difference!"

You guys. This candle cackles. I need it. I'm gonna buy it. Thursday. It's gonna happen. It's $10 but I'm sure it's worth it.

I'm one of those crazy candle ladies now. Those exist, right?