Agony

Cuts deep like a knife....

That's a song from that one musical eh uh... um... The uh.... Into the Woods. The princes are all sad about how they miss their princesses or something right? Yep.

Agony because I'm sick.

It's that time of year again! Cold time. Cold as in weather, and cold as in health. I've been privileged, for the last 3 years, to work in environments that lend themselves to getting people sick around this time of year. It's this time of year that I crave a nice little desk job with a foot heater and a rolly chair. The only germs I'd get there would be from the receiver of a phone or something. Alas. This year? Children. Last year? Children. The year before? People's dirty clothes.

There's something nice about being sick though. For someone who does it so much, I've had to learn to enjoy a few little things. The thing I enjoy most is how wonderful your body feels when you do something nice for it, like put soup into it, or soak it in hot water, or just lay it down and turn it off for a few hours. I love wrapping myself in a scarf, from my shoulders to my nose, and breathing, and feeling it warm me all over. I always enjoy that, but I enjoy it even more when I'm sick, because it feels that much better.

I also love the feeling in your chest you get when you're sick. This is a weird thing, right? The kind of stuffy feel? I don't know. I just like that.

Agony because the tips of my shoes are wet.

I miss the snow. I love snow, I love the way it looks, the way it feels, the way it tastes. It's already snowed enough here to stick, but that melted a few weeks ago. My gmail background, that cute one called "Bus Stop" or something? It tells me the weather. Right now, it's telling me it's snowing, because it knows it's raining, and supposedly it's cold enough for that rain to freeze into snow. But not this rain. This rain is just wet. It gets my shoes wet. I hate it when my shoes are wet, it makes me worry that a kid peed on them. I know it's rain, but it's uncomfortable.

It should be mentioned that while I do love the snow, I love warmth far more than that. There was a vague idea last Spring that Joseph and I would live in Arizona for a while. That idea didn't last too long, but it lasted long enough for my brain to accustom me to the heat, just in case. And now I crave that melt-your-shoes-to-the-sidewalk heat.

I think I might miss the snow a little bit though.

Agony because of memories at this time last year.

I suppose maybe it's not agony, in fact, it's a bit of humor, comedy. Just to give you a recap, this time last year was November 15, 2012. Joseph and I had already been ring shopping, two months prior, in fact. Joseph had already been up to the icy north to ask my parents for permission to marry me, and they granted it. So all that was left to do now was for him to propose.

But he didn't do that. What he did do, was toy around with me a lot. They're funny memories, really.

One time, we were in the kitchen cooking dinner. That's one of my favorite things to do with him. So we were cooking, and I pulled out my little stool and climbed up to look in that dark space in between the cupboards and the refrigerator. That was the place that I put everything I didn't want to deal with at the time. Unfortunately,  that meant all my groceries were there, so it was quite a process to find them when making dinner. I was up there pulling down an onion or something, and I turned around.

There was Joseph.

Down on one knee.

My heart jumped just a bit.

"Lara?"

"Yes?"

"Do you know what I'd do if I were down on one knee?"

I just stared at him.

And he got up and laughed. Nope. No proposal that day.

Or that one day we were watching Dr. Who. It was the season finale or something, and the last one we'd watch for quite some time. I had fond memories of that show, I still remember standing in his Grandpa's kitchen, meeting his family for the first time. They asked if I liked Dr. Who. I told them I'd never seen it. They told me I'd better get to liking it if I wanted to date their son. So I did just that. And now I love Dr. Who. Joe got me into it. And I remember my mom saying that my dad proposed to her when they were watching Dr. Who.

Maybe a part of me wanted to be proposed to while watching Dr. Who. Who did I tell this to? Was it Brittany... Jackie.... Becca.... someone. I don't remember who. They passed that info along to Joe, so he was well aware of it.

This particular weekend, on which we were watching Dr. Who, the Christmas lights were up and sparkling. Let it be known that this WAS in fact the weekend he did propose but... well, just listen to the rest of the story.

The episode ended. I think I cried. Was this the episode where Amy and Rory you know and SPOILERS just kidding. It was so tender.

It ended, and Joseph and I cuddled in silence. I thought If he's proposing soon... it could be tonight. He knows about my Dr. Who thing...

"Lara, there's something I've been wanting to ask you..."

"Yes?"

"Can we go have some cookies now?"

Ah. Agony. Eventually he did ask. But that's another story for another time.