Just Breathe

It's hard sometimes. You sit and wonder what you're even doing. You know where you just feel exhausted and you think "I only just have to make it until such a date, such a time, and then I can take a break." And then you get to such a date, such a time, and it's not any better. And you realize it's not really going to slow down, life.

You're always going to lose the war on laundry.
You'll probably never really own a dish washer. That's just the curse you live with.
When you say you're gonna stay on top of homework, homework throws you a fast ball and then jumps up on top of you.

And it's a little depressing because all of this stuff I'm doing... I'm doing so I can spend time with my husband, good quality time together.

But we need to work to spend time together, and then work minimizes the time we have together. What kinda joke is that, universe? It's not a nice one.

That's kinda when you just have to stop.

Life doesn't stop, but you do. You stop and you take a breath and freeze everything inside your mind and just look at the world.

And then you notice things.

You notice how Joe kinda raises his eyebrows when he's driving.
You notice the veins on the petals of the orchid.

You notice how nice the light looks in the kitchen, even though it's full of dirty dishes.
You notice people laughing on the train. It could easily be annoying but you have to choose to like it.
You notice how the sun doesn't just feel warm, it feels something else that really only the sun can feel.
You notice how your lungs keep expanding and retracting and your heart keeps beating and your mind keeps thinking.

I think that's an incredible blessing, in this world. That life doesn't slow down, but if you notice things, it's beautiful and not trying to trample you down and suffocate you.

I've been enjoying those times oh so much these days.