Hurts

Good morning folks.

My head hurts at the back. I've been watching some episodes of House so of course I now think it's Meningitis. Naturally. Either way the pain is bothering me and so it's one of those mornings.

They've all been those mornings. My sleep in days were voluntarily given up so I could go to work every day this week before Thursday, my last day. I need to get used to these early wake up days because that's gonna be my life for the next year or forever. Either one. My brain stresses out when it knows I have to get early. I have this forever-fear of sleeping through my alarm clock, so my brain just wakes me up about every 30 minutes through the night to make sure I haven't slept too long. End result? Headache and drowsiness.

And then it's my last week. I've been struggling with this more than I can explain. Oh how I want to graduate and student teach and all of that good stuff, but this job at a preschool is comfortable to me. How would you handle this conversation which happens daily?

"Ms. Lara, why are you leaving?"
"I'm going to go be a teacher."
"But you're already our teacher, don't go."

It makes you laugh in a sad way.

This job is what I've done for two years. I know how it works. I know every minute of the day. I know the minds of each kid. And I'm going to go to a class with children 4-6 years older than what I'm used to in a place I've never been. So yeah. I'm terrified.

Preschool has been very hard for me for the last few weeks though. Especially this week. Because while I don't want to go... I'm ready to go. While I'm going to miss the kids, my kids so much, I'm distancing myself already to prepare. And to be honest, I've been working in a classroom that for some reason is very difficult for me, and that's hard.

Sigh. I'm just a tangled mess of emotions. So my heart hurts, my tummy hurts, my eyes hurt, my head hurts...