Lately I've been reflecting on what I expected pregnancy to be. I read a lot. I read a lot. That sentence is typed twice, but pronounced two different ways. It's important that you understand that. Read. Read. Two different words in those sentences. One is past tense. And that is the first one. It's important that you understand that.
Back to where we were.
I read a lot. I read a lot. This makes me feel confident, and makes me a really annoying patient since most of what the doctor is saying, I've heard somewhere, and I'll interrupt and add things to his sentences. Or maybe this means we're soulmates, the doctor/patient kind of soulmate. You decide. I'll let you decide. I like reading, because reading gives me knowledge, and "Knowledge is Power!" So I spend a lot of time on research based websites reading lengthy studies. I'm grateful for my stats class that has given me the information I need to dissect studies. (Y) <-- Thumbs up sign that won't show up on blogger. (Y)
So I consider myself more informed than the average pregnant woman. This made itself manifest when my doctor was trying to figure out my due date and I pulled out my phone, equipped with three apps that had charts on them, depicting the exact date of conception. How many normal people know THAT?
There's been a lot of things I expected to come with pregnancy. And many of those things did come! But in unexpected ways. So lemme break it down for you. Drop a beat for me, DJ.
Expected: You will be hungry all the time!
Reality: I'm not hungry ALL the time, but I am a lot more hungry than normal. This hunger typically strikes at 3am, when I'm too tired to get out of bed. So I lay there and whine a little bit, and the whining puts me back to sleep. Hey, that's a good thing, right? If I can sleep through the sound of whining? Maybe that will come in handy?
Expected: You're eating for two!
Reality: Sure, inside my body are double the major organs right now (cool Time Lord reference here) BUT my exterior is more or less the same size as it's always been. Besides the frontward growing that's happening. But it's not quite enough, see, I'm trying to fit a squirmy human into that space, and that space is where my tummy used to be. My tummy was evicted and sought residence in the "Rib Cage" region, but my lungs are hostile neighbors to my stomach. My stomach, being the timid organ that it is, sacrificed his (why is my stomach male?) flexibility and space to make room for a human, it was the only organ that seemed to be willing to do that. So maybe I'm eating for two humans, maybe I should be, but I'm doing it with the stomach of a early-spring squirrel. I've got a teaspoon amount of space. I'm hungry, I want to eat the things, but I have to carefully choose what I get to eat because, again, teaspoon amount of space. The extra fun bit of this is that my stomach uses up that food just as fast as it did before, though. So I quickly get hungry again, after dinner is cleaned up and put away and the dishes are washed.
Expected: Say goodbye to your toes!
Reality: This boy of mine carried pretty stretched out, with my bump being equally distributed through the majority of my torso for quite some time. Until last week when baby boy changed position very suddenly and my bump got all put into one place. Reality? I didn't get to say goodbye to my toes. They were taken from me all too soon.
Expected: Cravings will be INSANE.
Reality: Along with this, I thought I'd have them all the time. The truth is, I've had them four times. Twice for root beer, once for salad, and once for straight up grenadine, much to the disgust of my husband. He hid his eyes as I drank a couple sips of grenadine from the bottle.
Expected: Oh that pregnancy GLOW!
Reality: I feel like an elephant and blush red enough to look like a tomato when people tell me things like "You know what they say, you're your most beautiful when you're pregnant! You're radiant, Lara!" What am I supposed to do with that? "Thanks for saying that! I've never felt so weird about my looks in my life, so it's great that you think this is my peak. No where to go from here but down; that makes me feel REAL good."
Expected: You'll bond with the baby before he's here.
Reality: Ok, for me this has been an understatement. I had to end this blog on a positive note. I feel I know this boy already. He has a strong personality. He has likes and dislikes. He loves the sound of my voice. And when I've cried during this pregnancy, his movement becomes so calm and tender as if he's trying to comfort me. I've never met him but I know I'd move mountains for this boy, I'd stop trains for him and cross seas for him. The bond keeps me going through the fear and uncertainty and stress and anxiety and every unpleasant symptom and every sleepless night. I can't wait to meet my son.
No comments:
Post a Comment