1.21.2013

World War Blog

Or Blog War One. Or World Blog War One Blog War World Won War Bwolog.

One of the above.

Here we go.

Preface: I do not claim to be a pro blogger. In fact, I claim to be the opposite thereof. I use this blog as an outlet for my brain, because I don't want it to turn into the Great Salt Lake. (Or is it that the GSL has an outlet... but no inlet.... or is it just a big tear drop of God... or is it just a nasty giant puddle with weird fish?)

Anyways.

I think a lot of people use their blogs for the same reason. A way to get their thoughts out. And typing is faster than writing in a journal. And if your journal can be shared online and make you famous, more power to you.

While there are no rules on blogging, nor should there ever be, I feel like there should be three rules.

Yeah.

Make sense of that.

Piglet.

Rule one: 

If you use Comic Sans, I will cut you. I don't care if it's in the title, on the side bar, or even if it's just in a cute picture that you shared. Comic Sans is a deadly disease, and it's EXTREMELY CONTAGIOUS. I will NOT stand the polluting of our world with this horrific font.

I don't CARE if you're an elementary school teacher.

I don't CARE if it was your great great grandma's favorite font and you're honoring her.

I don't care.

It's horrific.

I don't want to see it.

It ruins my day.

And you're ruining the world.

Rule two:

So help me, if you have an automatic music player on your blog,

I will cut you.

Stop it. No one likes to have their ear drums molested by Rihanna (or was it Justin Beiber?) (PS, Spelled Rihanna right the first time, yesssss.....) at 500 decibels louder than the average human ear can handle. Me in particular, since my human ears are below average. Stop it. I know it's your love song, and it's the very first song you heard in your life, and it's the song that you performed on the youtubes and got millions of loves for it and became famous.

It's ok if you want to have a player on the side that people can choose to use or not. But I guarantee that no one will choose to listen to it. And I guarantee that no one goes to your blog and thinks "OH WOW. I'm so glad this song blew my speakers! Thank you, kind blogger!"


Rule three:

If I go to your blog, and my mouse turned from the little clicky arrow that it always is... if it changed from being that to being a duck, or a cat, or trails rainbows, or giggles every time I click, or is 50 times larger than it should be, or whatever...

If my mouse does any of the above, I will cut you.

Turns out, cute mouses slow down computers. Turns out, cute mouses distract from the material of the post. Turns out...

Maybe that one is just me. But I'm just tired of it. And it's becoming a trend and it really should stop.


Now, that's all.

Take note that I didn't tear down the material of people's blogs. If people want to blog about cats or ducks or babies or college or adventure or boys or poetry or fashion or food, whatever, I'm fine with that. I think it's great that people can express their creativity like that. But the above three things just subtract from the real point of blogging, I think.




A quick PSA

We already have had the uncomfortable talk about... cough... Comic Sans.... If you, or a loved one, suffers from use of Comic Sans, just know that you are not alone. Hundreds of school teachers, primary workers, even nurses, suffer from Comic Sans today. There is help available. Just stop using it. And get rid of it. It's that easy.

If you're not sure if you suffer from Comic Sans, google it. Because I'm not going to share that filth here.

But if you're not sure, you probably do use it.

And if a friend has been using Comic Sans, and you don't feel comfortable addressing the problem head on, send them to me, or better yet, have them email me.

It's ok. It will get better. I promise.

2 comments:

KaitlynMarie said...

This is bloody brilliant.

Karissa said...

Ha! This cracked me up. Comic Sans. Seriously!
The other day (Ok, it was actually today) my web fonts weren't working and the date looked like it was coming across in a comic sans type of font and I was upset. I don't hate it as much as you, but still. Anyway, I just told you that so that you know that if anything ever comes up on my blog like it's not my fault.