A Formal Interview

Interviewer: I wanna interview you on my blog today, ok?

Joseph Becar (25, Provo, Mechanical Engineer): Interview me? Why?

I: Because.

J: Ok.

I: What was your first impression of me?

J: My first impression of you? Are you gonna write down everything that I say? (Quiet laughing, followed by a yawn). Stop! Hahaha! (More quiet laughing).

I: Heh. What was your first impression of me?

J: HAHAHAHA! My first impression of you was hahahaha I'm SORRY! I can't watch you write and talk at the same time!

I: (Moves computer screen).

J: My first impression of you was that you were beautiful and you had a nice smile.

I: Who was your first crush?

J: In my life?

I: Mmhmm.

J: Um. When I was like two years old, this girl Tamera and I were gonna get married.

I: How do you spell Tamera?

J: T-A-M-A-R-A maybe? It's like tomorrow, except tomorra.

I: If your house was on fire and you only had a chance to grab three things, what would they be?

J: You, Ferrari (Joseph's pet lizard), and my wallet.

I: And what about Hitler? (Our other pet lizard).

J: (Laughing) Well.... He can probably get out himself. Maybe I'd leave his cage open for him, set him free. Hahaha.

I: If someone gave you a magic lamp and the lamp gave you one wish, what would it be?

J: I'd wish for a dozen more magic lamps. They don't have to grant wishes, but if they could do something magical, that'd be cool.

I: Ok. I forgot to say that you can't do that.

J: Then I wish for a thousand magical items. Of various types and functions. That only I could use, or only people that I want to use them [sic.] and it can't backfire on me. This guy looks like Voldemort, Lara! Doesn't he totally look like Voldemort? It totally is. What's Voldemort's actors name? Ok, it's not him, but they use the same makeup.

I: Why would you wish for a thousand magical items but only a dozen magic lamps?

J: Cuz you don't want a thousand lamps, like, where are you gonna put all of those? Plus, magical lamps like, besides giving wishes, there's not much that's cool they could do.

I: What is your perception of how people see you?

J: Kinda weird, but cool at the same time.

I: And nice and smart and funny and good to everyone and very handsome.

J: Mmmm, no I don't think most people think that, just you. Why don't they put Star Trek in the SciFi section (of Netflix)?

I: Which fruit or vegetable do you think I resemble most, and why?

Netflix: OOoooooooooOOOOOO!!!! In a land of eternal mystery, a legend was born...

J: Ummm.  Strawberry because I love to eat them. And you like the color red. And you're very sweet. Also you taste good covered in chocolate. HAHAHAHA YOU'RE WRITING THAT DOWN? Do I want to make that sound different? You're writing down everything I say so it's not like it matters! You also like chocolate.

I: What about the part about eating me?

J: Hahahahahaha! I do want to eat you! Just not in the literal way. More of the not literal way.

I: We've been together for two years now, what has been the best part?

Netflix: Presents... Chow young fat.... Soo young yee, in an extraordinary romantic adventure....

J: Every-

I: WAIT I mean worst part.

J: Worst part? There's been no worst part. Worst part was when I had to go on my trip and we didn't get to be together all the time. We got to skype. Worst part was trying to give you a hug over skype and then it NOT working.

I: What has been the best part?

J: Every day.

I: Ok now we take a picture together.

From top to bottom, interviewer yawning and Joseph making fun, then also needing to yawn, then a regular picture.

J: Were you writing down the trailer I was watching? That's not how you do it, Lara.

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