Fears: Then and Now

I've been feeling a shade lighter than death today. I learned the hard way that water is essential, and if you forget, you will be rudely awakened. Quite literally sometimes. At like 2am, feeling like the reaper is a knocking.

That's an over exaggeration. But it's not entirely enjoyable to walk around with a gallon of Gatorade in your book bag when you have negative one day's worth of food in you. It's a symbiotic relationship. We need each other to live at this point. Except the Gatorade. I guess it'd be ok on its own, maybe just a little lonely with no one to drink it.

I need to express my gratitude for my husband. In the year and some that we've been married, he's taken care of me just... more than I could ever deserve. He does it selflessly and full of love, without a complaint, without batting an eye. He is my saving grace. We were told, before we got married, that doing grad programs and student teaching while married would be hard. And that's a good point, because it is hard. But when we were told that, Joseph said that the benefits that would come with being together would outweigh the trials we'd encounter. And that has held true, for me at least. I just hope I can bless him back the same. I'm trying, by doing the dishes more.

We've, well, I'VE been watching those old Disney movies, yeh know, Tarzan, Hunchback, all the old ones that people don't watch a whole lot because there were no princesses. Let's discuss for a moment how it's weird that Tarzan became the head of the herd when that big macho gorilla died. What the little kids don't realize is that Tarzan took on the role of being a mate to all those other gorillas. But whatever. That was one movie in which I had to suspend reality. Consider it suspended.

Watching these kid movies is reminding me of being a kid, strangely reminding me of everything I feared when I was a child. So I thought I'd share those fears with you today!

Fear #1: Lava
I was utterly terrified of hot lava. I'd see volcano movies and have nightmares all night long. The game Lava Monster caused me real anxiety. I was just certain that the mountain behind my house was a volcano, and no amount of reassurance or "scientific facts" could ever take away that fear. Crazy things can happen, and that mountain would explode some day. And lava, which moves about the same speed as a molasses river, would consume me and kil me.

Fear #2: Gorillas
Yeah Tarzan was CRAZY! Like when Jane was all "Ohhhh look at these gorillas destroying my camp, how cute!" And then the big macho gorilla was like "RAAAHHHH!" And she was like "Ahh!" That was scary. Super scary. Gorillas were, and to me, are still just a little bit, killing machines, made out of muscle, relying only on instinct. The instinct to kill. The nearest zoo to my house was still about an hour away, but I was very afraid of falling into that gorilla pit they had. [Gorillas aren't so scary since Joe and I went to the zoo and watched a gorilla demolish a wooden board, suspended between to trees, that the gorilla happened to be standing on. That was hilarious. So maybe I can outsmart a gorilla by tricking it into falling off a wooden board should I ever get attacked by one.]

Fear #3: Barney's Sister
I don't remember what her name is, she was pink. Wait, was she Barney's Sister, or just friend? She had a yellow brother named Buster I think. Now I'm all confused. But I had dreams of that big stuffed dinosaur with pitch black eyes, her entire being consumed in fire, chasing me around screaming with one of those scary double-voices that demons have. Typical dream stuff. Lol, kids dream the darndest things.

Honorable mention fears: Brown recluse spiders, hippos, the Jungle Book movie...

Now I'm grown and mature. My fears are a lot different. Now I'm afraid of being alone, of loved ones getting sick, of unexpected charges to our bank account.

Oh and that game Slender, forever and always. 

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