7.18.2014

Five Things Only Married People Get

I'm feeling sad because bad guys, the bad guys who aren't real guys but are computers from far away countries according to certain graphs are writing on this blog a lot. It makes me not want to write when these not real people do this. It's funny to read sometimes, their writings... but I'd far rather have real people read my blog, and for my graphs not to be swayed by false data. I'm talking in strange words because I'm afraid if I say anything certain, it'll set off their warning sensors and they not real people will write even more on my blog.

Anyways. Joseph and I have been married for 1.25 years. If that were a dollar amount, we could buy over-priced Little Debbie donuts from my school's vending machines! That's a pretty freakin sweet deal, hooligans! Were that years of marriage could be converted into dollar amounts, we'd have like... six little donuts.

Being married, I finally get all those jokes people say. You know how when you're single and you hang out with married people they do that annoying thing of "OH, HAHAHAHAH! Funny things that only married people would get!" Well now I GET those things. So I'm gonna talk today about five things that only married people get.

[Please remain patient while we wait for internet connection strong 
enough to upload a freaking picture. COME ON, IS IT THAT HARD?!]

1. Time Travel
Have you ever wondered about time travel? Like, is it possible? Is it happening right now? What would happen if I went back in time and accidentally killed my great-great-great-great-something? Well, married people know the answers to all of those questions, and we're not telling you ANYTHING!

2. The Common Core
Those new set of mysterious standards set forth to be used by educators in public schools across our country. There's been a lot of controversy over them, and lots of people are angry, and other people are happy. And I'll be honest, there are several married couples who DON'T get the Common Core. That's because they're not truly married. Only truly married couples really understand the Common Core.

3. ALL OF THE JOKES.
Ever noticed in movies when they cut to a scene at a dinner party with everyone laughing? Hint: They're all married. Double hint: They're laughing at a joke. Why? Because married people get all of the jokes. Jokes so complex that only those who have mastered the concept of time travel and higher orders of education can understand.

4. The frailty of our own existence
This one is one of those unexpected and frankly awkward perks of marriage.


5. Jellyfish
Like, what's the deal with them? Are they jelly, or are they fish? Married people understand. This one I'm willing to let you in on, but only if you promise not to tell all of your single friends. They're both. 
  

No comments: