11.19.2015

Give Me A Break!

ALRIGHT.

It's been a busy bit here. I knew this would happen. I'm glad this has happened! A baby being born just after the holidays means LOTS OF STUFF TO DO before he comes. Like have the holidays. Prepare for the holidays. Lots of visits and trips. And of course everything that goes into getting ready for baby.

So here's a quick update on my times.

I'd been feeling a lot of stress/depression/anxiety over baby. I was ashamed of that, because half my brain was saying calmly "It's ok, this is a big transition, it's ok to feel this way." while the other part of my brain was shouting "NO SHUSH UP! EVERYTHING IS BAD FOREVER!" As hard as it was for me to go through it all, I can't imagine what it was like for Joseph to watch his normally very happy/reasonable wife cry into a pillow for several days on end. He did everything perfect though, I'm glad to have a support like him.

Through that, my dad thought it would be a good idea to come give me a visit and keep me company for a while. And that was the best idea ever. I had an amazing week with my daddy! I love my dad so much and it has been so long since we've had one-on-one time. I was so grateful he took time from his schedule just to see me! We drove some cars for fun, discovered new neighborhoods and areas and parks, found a diamond of a mountain park in Phoenix. The week came and went too fast, and I'm excited to see my family again in a few weeks for Christmas!

Next up, Joseph and I flew to Colorado for my last week of travel. Doctor won't let me go anywhere anymore! We brought beautiful sunny weather with us to Colorado for the first few days! We went to a football game, rode a train up to Pike's Peak, saw some great views and walked around in a cloud, saw The Martian, had "Mexican Thanksgiving" to test out food for my sister-in-law's wedding coming up soon, and had a wonderful time just visiting family! Thank you so much Becar family for your incredible hospitality! We're sure excited to see you next time when our little boy is here!

And now to the second part of this post. One of those "writing-down-thoughts-and-experiences-for-my-own-safe-keeping" things. I'm home a lot. I find myself with a lot of free time. And I spend most of that free time on facebook, reading the same things over and over, watching meaningless videos, listening to the problems of others. And before I knew it, my life became so wrapped up in the lives of others that I was losing track of myself in the process. It's a little pathetic how much time I spent with Joe, talking about things like "Oh em gee, you wouldn't believe what so-and-so said today" and such as and. They were things that weren't important anymore.

And for the first time, I took a facebook break. I've taken a break where I can't even check it because I'm camping or out of town, but being off facebook is a side effect of those things, not an intentional action. This time I wanted to test myself.

And surprise, I really didn't miss it. I deleted it from my phone, knowing I wouldn't be near my laptop at all that weekend, and it was fine. There was a time where I was waiting for a class to start that I thought "Huh, I'm bored, what should I do right now?" and I pulled out my phone to check facebook, only to realize I had to do something else to fill my time.

It's been two weeks now and I think I'll go back to it maybe after the weekend. But it's not something I'm counting down the days to. And I don't think I'll become so absorbed in it.

This isn't to say I loath social media. I do like it. I like how I can follow the lives of my family and friends who live far away. I like how it can allow me to share in the joys and pains of others. But I don't like how it had become reflexive for me to check it, I don't like how a website was taking priority in my life over things that are really important. This break has given me a chance to reground myself and refocus my priorities, especially at a time in my life when my priorities will be changing a lot in the next few weeks!

So anyways.

Lara.

It's ok to take a break sometimes.

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