1.14.2013

Fases of Phacebook

Previously on blogger, I discussed the stages of Facebook.

I mentioned that I'd carry on to discuss the rest of the stages. However, I realized that there are phases of facebook that are different than the stages! 

That's confusing. But I'll explain using science.

First, let me preface. The phases aren't defined by an age. They can happen at any age. They DO happen at any age. And sometimes, people never grow out of them. 

So. First.

The Invisible Stalker.

This person is on Facebook. A lot. They know exactly what you are talking about when you say "LOL I saw this picture on Facebook...." and that's all. They know. Somehow. They know.

But the thing is, they're invisible! You don't see them! They are perpetually marked as "offline". They never like anything. They never comment on anything. They never post anything. You go to their profile, they have 500 something friends, one profile picture, and the only news on the wall is that they friended said 500 people and that they got a facebook.

This is the stage that is rarely outgrown. People are born invisible stalkers. 

Second.

The Newly. 

Newly wed. Newly engaged. Newly dating. Newly parent-hood-ed... Newly singled. Newly career having. Newly school doing. Newly. 

What ever it is that they are doing, it's new. Doesn't this seem like this would be a phase everyone goes through? Sure. But Newlys are different than normal people, because even if they started their job, got accepted to their program, met the love of their life MONTHS ago, they are still talking about it. And mentioning it. And in case you haven't noticed, they blah blah blah blah, also, don't forget the thing I just barely told you about how I'm doing stuff. Don't forget that. Don't. Don't do it. 

Third. 

The Teen Girl.

No. This phase is not for girls who are in their teens. This phase is for people who are NOT in their teens. They're much older. I don't know how much older.... but they're posting pictures of themselves as if they're a teenage girl. The iPhone picture shot from their own hand pointing down on themselves and a sly look in the eye. 

The reason I classify this as a phase is because, as afore mentioned, sometimes it's not outgrown. Also, because it can happen at any time past the age of 25. 

Also, the most terrifying,

It can happen to men.

Scary.

Fourth.

The Flashback.

Randomly, out of the blue, someone posts a profile picture of themselves from their high school year book or of themselves from when they were eight or something... the thing is, it's out of the blue. There's no real reason for why they did that. And it's an incredibly unflattering picture. It's not funny. It's not cute. It's just unflattering.

I understand, sometimes people put funny or cute pictures of young them as their profile picture. However, these pictures are D. None of the above. 

A few days later, they change it back to the picture they had before. 

Fifth.

The Repeat

This is kinda like Three. It involves three a lot, but it can happen from any age, 2-92. Usually, 10-30. It's the one who posts the same profile picture with slight variations a billion times. This one is a different angle. This one has stars on the side. This one I'm looking at the camera. This one I'm not.

But I'm wearing the same shirt in every picture. I'm standing in the same room. And you see that clock in the background? If you watch carefully and collect info from all photos... a grand total of 5 minutes passed since the first picture was taken and the last picture was taken.

Except there's 1031431425161321243213 photos.

It doesn't seem possible, but it is.

Well there you go. Stay tuned. I'll cover the rest of the STAGES of Facebook in a few days! 


1 comment:

Ashley said...

I love this so much.