And then I start going over in my mind how many things there are left to plan, and I freak out. And panic. And worry incessantly about everything.
Last night, it over took me. I was on the phone with Joe, and I panicked. He calmed me down and helped me plan a list, so at least that was ok. Then I panicked again and realized, oh my gosh, we're getting married. And no matter how far away the wedding may seem, it's still upon us, and life is going to change in a major way in a handful of weeks.
So I started freaking out about that.
Joe. What if I leave the chicken on the counter over night, and forget about it the next morning, and it was out for 24 hours and it's gone bad? What then?
What if I put the soap in the fridge and the butter in the shower, and you find out the hard way next morning at 5am when you're in a rush to get to school or work and it's cold and you don't know what's going on... What then?
What if we run out of things to talk about, and neither of us feel at place in this new home we're in, and so I'll sit in a bundle in the middle of the sofa watching Netflix, and you walk in and see me there and walk out and go read in the bathroom alone? What then?
What if I don't do my laundry and I just wear gross clothes or just go buy new clothes or just decide not to wear clothes? What then?
What if I pull all the blankets off you in the middle of the night?
What if you make me upset, and I take it out on you by not buying groceries and you come home from school and the store is closed and I stare you in the eye and say "I can go a long time without food, can YOU?!" What then?
Well then, Lara, the chicken wouldn't be that bad,we'd make it work.... well Lara, that'd be kinda strange, I'd go to the fridge and get the soap, Lara, do you think that would happen? "We spent Thanksgiving together, and I loved every second of it, and we spent Christmas together, and I loved every second of it. And nearly every second was spent with you.... It was you who made it perfectly comfortable and natural for me to be there." Lara, if you took your frustration out on me by not buying food, I'd take you out to dinner. And you'd better believe I will pull the blankets back.
Lara, what if you spent all day decorating the house, moving the furniture, and I move it all around again to put electronic stuff in the way and make cords reach?
What if I leave my clothes lying on the floor, and my pants are in one room, and my shoes are in the other, and you're trying to keep the house clean?
What if I keep hitting snooze and I have to be at work, and I'm supposed to wake you up to be at work, and neither of us wake up and it's my fault? And we're late for work?
Joseph and I talked over this for a while, and came to the conclusion...
"We're going to do things that annoy each other. But we're going to get over it."
And we ended our conversation with a funny youtube video.
We realized that we may, and probably will, argue. We may, and probably will, annoy each other. We may, and definitely will run into difficulties and frustrations and upsets and hardships.
But the thing is, by then, we're family. And if we're in it to win it, we're in it to win it. And if worse comes to worse, we've got youtube videos to cheer us up.