Today, I'm going to talk about something pretty big. Something I've been thinking about blogging about for a while.
Hello, my name is Lara. I'm a female student, average height and weight, light complexion, dark eyes and hair. I come from a family of three kids and two parents. I teach school. I'm Mormon.
Those are the labels that seem to define me these days. There was another label that I had pinned to myself for months, years.... But I have since realized that my labels may influence me, but they do not determine my actions. And that label was not one that I wanted.
So, for a few years back there, you'd see...
Hello, my name is Lara, and I have an eating disorder.
Phew. I said it. It's in the open now. And I think maybe a few posts will talk about that.
It started as a sophomore in high school, and continued until I was a freshman, early sophomore in college. I'd look in the mirror, not see what I like, and forcefully change it. I still cannot look in the mirror and like what I see, but that's a different matter. Today I'd like to talk about the label I gave myself.
Anorexic and Bulimic. Those were labels I attached to myself, so I justified my actions, saying that it's just how I was. I was born that way, or whatever. And even if I wasn't born that way, it was a part of my personality. So I thought it was ok to starve myself and make myself sick, because I had given myself those labels, and that was how I was supposed to live with said labels.
I hated it.
I'd spend nights crying, praying, saying "Why, God?! Why did you make me this way!" It took years, obviously, for me to realize that even if God DID make me that way, He was not forcing me to live one way.
And even when I had come to terms with my problem, I didn't care. I almost wore my label as a badge. But the fact still remained that I literally could not live with that lifestyle. If I kept living that way, I would never truly be happy. And eventually, I couldn't live anymore. That's just how it is.
That was a hard day, when I realized that the label I had given myself wasn't one that could sustain me.
I heard a speech given by my friend at a State debate tournament. She said that if you weren't happy with your life, then change it.
And I realized I wasn't happy.
I didn't like the labels I had put on myself.
And I didn't like the other labels that others had put on me as I dropped weight so quickly, and even though they were being concerned, their worried looks and the lines they'd say to me seemed like accusations. "You're too skinny. I think you have an eating disorder."
This post goes out to everyone out there who has been given a label that they don't like. Who has written something on their "Hello, my name is..." name tag that they're not comfortable with.
We're given this one mortal life. 76 years or something. That is too short for anyone to be living a life simply because they feel they are supposed to, because that's the "How to" instructions that come with their label.
Ladies and Gentlemen of the world. Do not live by your labels. Live by your beliefs. Live by your standards. Live because you have lived so many different ways, and you've found the best way to live.
Do not let your labels define you.
Hello, my name is Lara. I think that's all the label that I need.