Here's to the real love

I read this amazing article today. And it got me thinking about my love life.

I dreamed about these people. Their last name was Devine. They were just that, Devine. It didn't help that they were both amazing photographers, videographers, and they lived in Utah. Everywhere I turned, I'd see something about the Devines. And their love story was perfect. And I wanted it to be mine. I met this guy who had the last name of Darling and I thought maybe I could force him into marrying me so I could have an enchanting last name. But I didn't love him, how could I? We didn't even know each other. So I'd sit and pine away about the Devines with their pictures and their stories and their perfection.

And I had convinced myself they they must be kidding themselves, because love like that doesn't exist. It couldn't exist. They either were one in a million or they were pro actors.

And then I met Joe and I fell in love with him and it didn't matter what other relationships were like. Honestly I pittied the love on television, because even when they danced in the rain and lived inside bookshops and looked 100% always... it wouldn't and simply couldn't be as good as I had it with my sweetheart.

And so here's to the real love, where he stands in the produce isle with you and you're so grumpy and stressed, and he's making silly jokes about everything and it makes you want to roll your eyes because you're so tired, but he's trying so hard and it's so sweet.

Here's to the real love where you come home from work and he made dinner, and it's not like eating at a five star restaurant every night but it's better, because he's there, and he puts his elbows on the tables because it's what he learned in Germany and it's not fancy but it is home.

Here's to the real love where he wakes up so early so he can go to work so far away and you see each other so little but you make sure the minutes count. And he texts you during the day sometimes just to tell you the weather.

Here's to the real love where every other Friday, he doesn't have to work, and you're probably more excited about it than he is, even though you do have to work. You're just excited because he deserves a day off every now and then, and it makes you feel nice when he gets it.

The real love where you have budget meetings and family home evening and you leave the bathroom door open and you have to remind each other to take vitamins and brush teeth and buy food for the pets. And the flowers on the doorstep may be dying, and the eggs in the fridge may have cracked and gone bad, and the potatoes definitely went bad and smell horrible so you have to hide in the corner of the house armed with frebreze and the real love where you have morning breath but he gives you a kiss goodbye anyways and the real love where he helps you take apart your bike at the train station and put it back together when you get home every day.  The real love where you argue over what toilet paper is the best.

I realize that my relationship isn't every relationship. And though I don't feel the need to compare my relationship to others anymore, I don't want to pretend that it is THE perfect relationship, that every relationship should be like ours. Because no one is Joe besides my Joe, and no one is me besides me. Though neither of us are perfect, we found perfection together, perfection that takes work every day, perfection that has its chips and cracks and tears and grumpy days, perfection that is a relationship I wouldn't trade for any movie. Because perfection is better than a movie.

I don't want to tell people to never compare. I think comparison is good in some ways, it shows us where we feel we should improve, and it makes us realize where we're just fine, doing better than alright. The danger comes when you damage yourself, your ideals, and your relationships because it isn't like the relationship of someone else, the danger is when you are never realizing that where you are is just fine, better than fine.

The sad thing is that this world is full of people just like me a few years ago, looking for something that probably would never happen, and even if it did, it wouldn't be nearly as good as life is now. The sad thing is that they don't make movies about real lives, and people don't realize how beautiful real lives and real loves can be. The sad thing is that we talk about the fancy parts of our lives too much and try to kid ourselves into thinking that our whole lives are fancy, and the hard parts don't exist. The sad thing is that we don't realize that the hard parts, the ugly parts, the messy parts can be what makes the relationship the most beautiful, the most perfect. The sad thing is that we don't realize that we can have ordinary, every day, a work in progress perfection. Those may contradict, but I believe it's true.

And so here's to the real love, the kind that exists in our every day lives, the love we're too blinded by the media to see. Let's give the world something real to see! It's your turn. I want to hear about your real love.


Jenny said...

I've read your blog pretty consistently for a couple/few years now and I'm so glad you have found and married your real love.
My real love is setting the alarm for 10 minutes early so we can cuddle. It's meeting each other for lunch and sitting out in the car eating last nights leftovers with him. It's crockpot dinners eaten out of Tupperware because we're running late. It's being on the bike next to him at the gym. It's holding each other through meltdowns and dissapointments. It's counseling together in our decisions. It's silly songs and dancing on Sunday mornings. It's a wink from across the room. It's looking at him and knowing its forever. Real love is indeed so much better than movie love

Dad said...


This was a very nice article.

Real love is achieved by:

1. Working hard and thoughtfully to find the right person.

2. Working hard and thoughtfully to make a great life together.

3. If you can't do 1 or 2, then be very, very lucky.

Really, being a thoughtful and good person and working diligently is the secret to just about everything.