3.11.2014

How to handle the cold like a princess

I didn't see this coming.

I can't believe this is happening to me AGAIN. It's not fair. It's cruel. And if I knew this was coming I would have made different life choices up until now.

Like wool socks. I would have worn wool socks.

For all you non-Utahns you must think I'm being whiney, and maybe I am, but I consider it justified! This cold was not anticipated, today. Sure, the wind was blowing and howling last night but I have this theory about weather and equilibrium in Utah and essentially for everything there is an equal and opposite reaction and the opposite reaction usually happens the next day, or a few hours after the original reaction. Meaning, it may snow one minute, but the next minute you're peeling the clothes off of you that are stuck with sweat. I guess I should have known this would happen. The weather was getting better and better and then suddenly?

Snow. About two inches of it. I walked out the door this morning to a brown sky. The moon rises with a brownish hue... snow will be shed this morning. I cried to Joe "I regret my selection!" and he let me back in the house to get an actual coat rather than the cardigan I had chosen.

Yet my feet were still clothed with yellow flowers. I call it sunshine in the clouds but they're not shoes suited for clouds. Clouds call for socks, boots, sneakers... not flats. Alas.

I've accumulated some tips for handling the cold. Are you ready for them?



1- Forget how you look. It doesn't matter. You're miserable. It's better to be warm and mistaken for a hobo than to be cold and looking like some Greek thing. That's my thought anyways. So get a coat. A real coat. Maybe a few. And hats? No such thing as too many. Wool socks are a must.

2- Get a person. I stole Joseph's heart so when it snows I can steal his body heat. All is fair in love and war. Yours, mine and ours. All those sentiments. It's talking about stealing body heat. That warm fuzzy feeling in your heart and all over? You see what I'm talking about.

3- I've only tried the reverse of this but it seems like this would also be true. I can tolerate the heat like a desert lizard due to a faint possibility once upon a time that life would take me to balmy temperatures permanently, or for a few years at least. SO? Start looking for jobs, maybe apply for some in the Arctic Circle. Prepare yourself emotionally and mentally for the possibility of being able to knit with your nose drippings like on Sponge Bob. People adapt, and if you trick yourself enough, so will you. It takes time but that's a small price to pay for toasty comfort. The only downside is that while you will cling to one climate, you will loathe the other. And Utah sucks like that because of that equilibrium theory I mentioned. Never just cold, never just hot, never EVER in the middle.

That's really all I got. Give them a whirl and you may find yourself walking around in a sleek ice dress in a few days, singing like Adele Dazeem. Or walking around in a less fashionable parka. Whatever warms your cocoa. 

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