How To Survive Your First Born

I used to blog like.... every day as a college student! Why was that?! I blogged about the most random stuff in the world, like the in-proportionate ratio of cookie dough to trays of cookies and scooters. I talked more about scooters than the people who make scooters.

And maybe I grew up and lost my sense of humor or maybe I grew up and started caring more what people thought of what I wrote. Oh the joys of childhood, when you knew nobody cared.

Well I want to blog more. I really do. Sometimes I toy with the idea of become blog-famous and then decide not to do that. It's all for you, readers, so that if you say you read TNW, you can be all hip in saying that, because you're literally the only one who does. Keeping my readers fresh and hip.

Today I'm here to talk to you about....

 ... Because if anything makes me an expert on this subject in its entirety, it's the fact that my first born is only 5 months old and I haven't been doing this for that long.

But maybe some of you out there have first borns that are like... a week old. So that makes me something of a bit more experienced. Hah. Who am I kidding. We're all winging it.


There are a few things I've learned.


There's got to be a few things I've learned....


OH! Like. Ok. So, you know how before I had a baby, I had dreams all the time of walking into our nursery and finding a baby there and realizing I already HAD a baby and I'd just forgotten about him, and he was suddenly very sick and hungry due to me forgetting about him? Well. I've learned that babies cry. If they want your help, they cry. So: Tip: If your baby cries: Figure out why and: Feed/change/play with said baby... and they usually stop crying.

Except for if they're colicky, then you're just out of luck, fellas, sorry about that. I hear like... gas drops help with that but I also heard something about the fourth trimester that NO ONE tells you about so it could be that too.

Something else I've learned. Hmmm... There will come a point when your baby will become very interested in your food. And up to this point, you or your husband may have enjoyed holding baby on your laps during meal time, and that's ok. And it's ok if you want to keep doing that too! But BE AWARE that those babies hands reach further than you expect, and you very well may end up with soup poured all over you. It happens.

Or you may leave your husband at the table at Zupas with your baby and your cup of soda so you can go wash your hands and when you come back, your soda is spilled all over the table and your husband shyly explains that he thought he had a strong enough grip on the cup to keep the kid from ripping it out of his hands, when he was sorely mistaken.

I guess that's pretty much it. In reality I could tell you things like "Get a convertible car seat and skip the baby bucket... baby wearing is funner and it's cheaper to skip the bucket!" or "Get a stroller and go for lots of walks" or "Buy bibs" or "Read lots of books" or "Make funny faces and teach your baby to blow raspberries because it will keep him entertained for life" but really...

Parenting is one of those conundrums. No matter how many advice blogs you read, no matter how many books you read, you're still going to end up with a baby. And it's going to be easier to take care of him/her than you though, in many ways... your instincts will likely kick in and you get to know that tiny human and pick up on their cues pretty quick. And then on the reverse side of it, no amount of book reading will ever prepare you for how little you will sleep or how tired your arms will get or how run down your molars will get as you grit your teeth trying to comfort the baby that is screaming in your ear and confused about the amount of hair you have as he tries to pull it ALL out...

So in reality. I guess just.... do your best. If it's any comfort, people have been doing that for millenia and almost all of humanity has turned out to be pretty normal. I mean... there's a few here and there that you'll notice *cough*2016presidentialelectionbringsoutthewildinpeople*cough* but could anyone have really done anything to stop that? It'll work out guys.

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