Euphoria

First things first. I'm NOT gonna even talk about How I Met Your Mother right now because I just get mad and want to pretend the show never happened to me.

Second things second, I haven't blogged in forever. That's because I have this annoying habit of watching Say Yes to the Dress: Atlanta while in the kitchen, which is where water is. And maybe my computer got splashed with a sneeze-size drop of water... like, a flea's sneeze. And now several important keys on my keyboard don't work. Namely... the shift, “a”, “b” “n” and “3”. And when I press apostrophe, it enters, and when I press enter, it apostrophes, and when I press “x” it throws in an accent and when I press “v”, it's a wild card as to what happens. The keyboard will be fixed for free, but that takes time... and the computer is useful to me right now. Blogging on Joe's computer right now, though.

Third things third. A lot have things have happened since my last blog. I ran my first 5K. I was so pumped all day long. I was ready to run until I dropped. Joe and I danced hard core on top of a hill right before the race started, and we were rearing and ready to go. And then I realized how quickly energy fails you... so after roughly six steps into the race, it became the hardest thing I'd ever done.

I finished my first 5K in 31:13, on the clock. We had Subway, the dinner of CHAMPIONS. I ran straight the whole time, no breaks. And we sat down to watch some much deserved Netflix and getting up off the couch was the second hardest thing I'd ever done. And then Monday after, we ran four miles and I hardly broke a sweat. We haven't run since then due to health issues and weather issues and lazy issues and grumpy issues. These are all my issues.

Grumpy issues? Yes. Lots of dumb things happened to my life that made me wonder what was going on. They were little things due to a lack of communication. But suddenly it was thrown into question whether or not I would become a teacher next year. Suddenly graduation seemed double far away because suddenly it WAS double far away. That was not ok with me. Today things worked out.

What a relief. I don't know how many times this euphoria has come over me. I go to preschool and love it and want to be a teacher forever and euphoria hits... because that's what I'm gonna do and it feels good. And then I stress over an application and submit it and it's out of my hands and euphoria because I did all I could do at that point to be a teacher. And then letters come and tell me that people want me to be a teacher too, people besides me... and there really is no better feeling in the world than doing something you love to do. It is utter euphoria. Days come that I hate what I do and those are the worst of days. But days come where I realize I would never want to be anywhere else and those are the most often and the best.

Another big thing happened. I realized that I'm not super man. I don't have limitless time and resources and energy to do everything I want to do and everything other people want me to do. I've never admitted that before. I've always done everything I wanted to or felt obliged to do. It's cost me time with friends, time with family, time to be myself... but I've done everything. My dad would urge me to cut back on everything I was doing but I never did. This week I did. It was hard. I cried for a long time on that Netflix couch over it. I stressed even harder in my tan boots and brown heels and yellow flats and flip flops over it in the kitchen, in between my house and my car, in the deli of the grocery store, sitting at Subway. But I finally admitted that I'm no super man and gathered the courage to let someone down. And suddenly I could think straight again and the headache that was constant for several weeks subsided and I stopped dreading the Summer.

And things are good now. Things are good.