How This Story Ends

Finals are ramping up. I've got a paper that has no determined length but usually amounts to about 100 pages, another 10 page paper, and a few more of those too... a couple exams and a few presentations. It's great. Just awesome. Sooooo awesome..... (Can you detect the heavy sarcasm?)

Today you get to learn about Lara.

I am absolutely, 100%, undoubtedly the person who flips to the end of the book to read the last page. That is who I am. I thought I could hold of with the seventh and final Harry Potter book, and I did pretty well until about the tenth page and then I read the last page anyways.

The tricky thing about reading the last page is that you can't just read the last page. It fills you with questions! It may start as innocent as reading the last word. But then you need to know the last sentence. And then you need to know the last paragraph and then page and then chapter and before you know it, you're reading backwards.

Stories are really interesting when you read them backwards.

Let's look at Lara from 2.5 years ago. At that time, I was BEGGING my God through prayer to let me know how my story ended. I couldn't take it. I wanted to know how it ended so I could make decisions that would turn it into a good ending. I wanted to know it was a good ending.

Let's look at Lara now. Occasionally I get paranoid. An unusually painful migraine causes me to believe I have meningitis. WebMD doesn't help that AT ALL. A pain in my back causes me to believe I have seven slipped disks and am slowly fading away into paralysis. I'm paranoid about health things. I feel like my health is a ticking time bomb and there are things that will happen that I can't control that will destroy my health.

I'm paranoid.

The paranoia has lead me to wonder if I'm gluten intolerant. Let me tell you about me and gluten. I would take baths in gluten if I could. I used a shampoo for a few years that had gluten in it. I dream about bread. I love bread. And baked goods. And gluten. Becca was gluten intolerant for a few years and our family walked that path of gluten free with her.

I hated it.

She grew out of it (thank GOODNESS.)

Despite this paranoia, I don't want to know if there is something wrong with me. I don't want to go to the doctor and him give the death sentence to me, no more Zuppa's bread forever.... I don't want to go to the doctor for him to tell me that my spine is dissolving into mush.

But I'm the girl who reads the end of the book! Why don't I want to know these things anymore?!

And I realized it's because though I haven't read the last page of this book, I know how this story is going to end.

I know that my Joseph will be by my side through eternity, no matter what. I know I have people who love me. I know I will always be trying to be better.

I know I will return to my Heavenly Father and live with Him again some day. So while all these stories I read had trials that happened through the course of the book, they had a happy ending, even if you had to look hard to find it. And I know that no matter what trials happen through my life, they aren't the end of the story, and the end of the story will have a happy ending.

Maybe I'm done reading the ends of books now.