From a Journal

I'd like to share with you some excerpts of my beaten up journal in the days leading up to that one. I used to be a very avid journal keeper, but I stopped for some reason, a few months ago. I think I've been counting my blog as my journal. That's not a problem! But it's not as personal as my journal. I'd share my secrets in that journal, because I couldn't share them anywhere else. But now I share them with Joe. Perhaps that's why. Joe is my journal. I sure hope he has a good memory so people can write books about me some day.

July 23, 2012 (The first mention of Joe)
INTRODUCING JOE! Joseph Samuel B├ęcar. He. Is. Wonderful. 

July 27, 2012
Tomorrow I turn 20. I'm moving to SLC and Joe is going to surprise me at night. I mean... what? No. I don't know anything about a surprise. 

September 27, 2012
Tomrrow, Joe and I are looking at engagement rings. I love tat man so much. This is everything I dreamed it would be. I can imagine a life with him. He makes me smile and laugh. I love the gap between is teeth. His crooked smile. Te way his tongue sticks out wen he laughs, is funny voices, his and on my back guiding me, is curly hair, the way he cocks his eyebrows... He makes me happy and I want to do the same for him.  

October 14, 2012
Joseph left is pen here! Remember to give it back to him. 

October 25, 2012
(Recalling our first date)
The doorbell rang. Tat was him. The wooden door was open, so the only thing between us when I stood up from the recliner was the screen door. He wore a t-shirt, white, and shorts. It confused me. For some reason, I thought we were going ice skating. I was floored by how handsome he was. Incredibly. "Hey."

I couldn't remember his name for hours (ok one hour) into the date.

October (something... not dated...)
Dream thoughts: A pet parlor called "Mobar Paws"

November 4, 2012
Joe talked to my dad yesterday. It went well. Really well. 

November 11, 2012
Last night we listened to music and started picking our song (first dance). I'm very much leaning towards In My Life by The Beatles. 

November 15, 2012
I found out yesterday when Joe is going to propose. Rather, I found out when he won't propose. It's not Thanksgiving. It's probably not Christmas. To be honest, I was disappointed. We went ring shopping in September! I'm not really too frustrated. I understand why he's taking his time. I just need to stop thinking about it. Put it out of my mind. Stop thinking about it. Just kinda pretend it's not... gonna... happen. 

A page titled: Let's talk about boys!
Joe: I love him. That's all. 

November 25, 2012
Hey. Hey Joe. Hi
Hey. Sup. We're driving in a bumpy car.
(In messy hand writing) No we're not. 
Says who?
Me :)
Oh. Then I believe you. 
Wahoo! Do you believe everything I say?
Except the stuff you lie about.
Like what? 
Like when... nah, I guess I do believe everything you say/ Like when you say you look terrible or something. That's when you lie.
You just have bad eyes. Really lovely eyes with bad vision.
That's not what the doctor tells me. 
Your doctor is a liar! Hah! Take that!
Well, I guess I believe you more than him anyway, but if you saw what I saw, you wouldn't say what you say.
You're sweet :)
Your face is sweet!
YOUR face is sweet! Bam.
Good comeback...
Lara, how can I make you happy forever? 

December 2, 2012. The morning before Joe proposed.
It finally happened. I went crazy. With a lot of help from Joe. Actually, it's entirely his fault. He loves to fake me out in proposing. I'm growing impatient. Well, not really. I just feel foolish for thinking it will be one day and it's not. I'm just tired. I'm just gonna give up on it. Like I told myself. It's just not gonna happen. Argh. 

To be continued... 

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