5.16.2014

What's in a Name?

A friend posted this article talking about the most outrageous baby names of 2013. Now, I've always been a fan of Marshall's fish bit from HIMYM  in which Marshall makes fun of the names of fish. "Trout? Really? I don't think so..." I thought it'd be appropriate to do the same with these ridiculous names. I'm a fan of the good old names, traditional, tried and true, with maybe several Star Trek references that the children NEVER HAVE TO KNOW ABOUT.... so pardon me if you like these names. No harm fowl. (Do people say that?)
Girls
Vanellope, 63
This is the name of a cartoon character. You just named your kid after a kid from a cartoon. A video game cartoon about candy. That doesn't set them up for a bright future.
Burklee, 10
Like the California place? Drop the double letters, people.
Pistol, 9
Pistol? More like please no. If kids can't play with weapons, don't name them after weapons.
Happiness, 8
Now I've just got that Happiness song stuck in my head. And this face. This is the face of your future child.

Pemberley, 8
Wut.
Envie, 7
Do you want your child to be envied or do you want her to do the envying? This is unclear. Please clear up the name. 
Prim, 7
SPOILERS: Mocking Jay does not end well for this one!
Rarity, 7
Yes you are... and that's not a good thing.
Avaa, 6
This reminds me of Aa lava, which is the slow stuff? And you're all "AAAAAAAAaaaa LAVA!!!!" 
Charlemagne, 6
I'm related to this old son of a gun. Distantly related. SPOILERS: Your child will never be able to spell or pronounce their own name. Also, translate this to German and then to English, and you have "Carl the Great." You want your lil girl named Carl the Great?
Kinzington, 6
Sounds like a good name for a royal bull dog. Please, not your child.
Prezlee, 6
This is how drunk people talk about the King of Rock, Elvis Presley. 
Ransom, 5
Ever seen Taken? Parents should watch this movie before naming their kids after kidnapping terms.
Rebelle, 5
You realize, you're setting yourself up for a life of pain. And you thought teenagers were bad already...
Sierraleone, 5
I can't even pronounce this. Joe says it's the name of a country in Africa. He's been playing a lot of Risk.
Siqi, 5
Can't pronounce this one! Though I feel it'd be said in the most high pitched voice ever.
Snowy, 5
OK actually I knew a girl named Snow, with a sister named Rain, but they were Asian and those were their English names and it was a little adorable. I'm not super against this one. I'd never pick it. But as far as the list goes, it's not too terrible to name your kid after a Disney Princess kinda, even if she's one that isn't super respectable...
Temprince, 5
You put the word "Prince" in your daughter's name. And what's wrong with Temperance? Again, not a name I'd pick, but it's better than this malarkey.  
Boys
Rydder, 10
I can understand double Es. (BTW, it's Es, not E's. Plural, not possessive!) A double E makes it so it sounds like "Eeeee" rather than "*silence*". The double D makes me say "Rie-duh-duh-er." 
Jceion, 10
I can't pronounce this one.
Hatch, 8
Like a door on a rocket ship? Puhleaze. 
Tuf, 8
Not with a name suited for an adorable tiny dog, you're not...
Lloyal, 7
I read this in my brain as "Yoy-all", because, you know, Spanish. What is with attributes for names these days.
Psalms, 7
He'll have sweaty psalms at those awkward middle school dances no one wants to go to!
Xzaiden, 7
NO.
Charger, 6
A few years ago, people might have thought this was a reference to football or something. Basketgolf. Now it makes us think of our beloved phones and electronic devices. 
Forever, 6
Shout out to Kaitlin on this one (and I don't remember the exact words you said but...) This is a reminder of how long the kid will have the name for! Hah!
Kyndle, 6
Because naming your kid after an E-reader isn't ridiculous enough, you have to replace the "i" with a "y".
Power, 6
Nothing much to say about this name other than your kid is gonna get bullied for the rest of his life. And probably never get a serious job. Unless he works really hard to overcome the natural oppression that will occur from having a name such as this.
Warrior, 6

Gospel, 5
I've got nothing. Running out of ideas. 
Kaptain, 5
Sounds like a kid's show based off cereal.

Subaru, 5
Excuse me, sir, are you named after the world's best sports utility wagon?
Vice, 5
I can imagine this one growing up to be a vice for all the ladieeeessssssss. Heh. *cough*




WELL I'm done. And I'm still addicted to blog doing if you can't tell. I'm working on one for a friend right now. And if you want me to do one for you too, lemme know. I might even make fun of your name in the process.

No comments: